Jake was away again this past week for a second round of flyouts.

This round of flyouts was probably much harder than the first even though we both knew what we were in for. For Jake, it was all about keeping up his energy and momentum and making sure each meeting and job talk came off fresh, just as it was the first time he gave it.

For Cindy, it was all about grinding through the monotony and exhaustion of solo parenting while working. She kept busy by visiting friends and family, which was much appreciated and helped make the days go by faster. But starting and ending the day alone is just…lonely…

The absolute hardest part of this second round of flyouts was the looming decision of our future hanging over us. And having to process and deal with these burdens and emotions apart. We found out mid-week that our last hope of staying in SoCal and academia didn’t work out. We were absolutely devastated because it was our last chance at getting what we both want without compromises– for Cindy staying in SoCal and being near friends & family and for Jake a life of research. But marriage is all about compromises. Finding out we didn’t get our “last chance school” meant we had to go down the path of tough conversations. Do we move out of state so Jake can pursue a career in academia? Or stay in SoCal and Jake work long hours in the private sector? Either choice we make, one of us has to “lose”. It was the conversation we were hoping we wouldn’t have to have. But that’s life in academia and our sovereign God always has other plans.

We’re both bummed and a little mopey. Two weeks of flyouts sounded like no big deal at first. Turns out it has been one of the hardest two weeks we’ve experienced together since being married (barring having a newborn).