The last few weeks were “Month 2 of TTC” (trying to conceive). Aaaaannnnddddd….. no luck. We know 2 months of trying isn’t long at all, but it’s still super emotional. It’s just hard to hope for a result, not get it, and have to go through the process all over again– it’s knowing that we have to go through the 2WW (2 week wait) again. Anyone who is trying knows that the 2WW is just torture! No matter how hard we try to not think about it, we’re always thinking about it in the back of our mind.
We did much better during the 2WW this time around, compared to Month 1. We limited Googling everything and anything pregnancy related to a 30 minute window once a day. That helped us (especially Cindy) not think about it too much. This little strategy worked right up until about the 2-3 days before Cindy’s period was predicted to start. There’s no controlling the mind once you get to that point lol. With every small symptom it was “is this pregnancy or PMS!?!?!??!!?”. It’s completely irrational, but the night before Cindy’s period came, Cindy was clenching her body to prevent her period from coming because if it didn’t come then she could take a pregnancy test, and maybe see a positive result! Makes complete sense right?
But in all seriousness, this has already been a humbling experience. The two of us are planners. We had this amazing plan for the timing of our pregnancy so that Cindy’s maternity leave can line right up with summer vacation. But there are just things in life that you cannot plan and control. We are at the complete mercy of God. And it’s so cliche to say that we’re learning to trust God and have patience with his timing, but this so true. It is also probably why God uses stories of waiting for a child so much throughout the Bible. And we’re not talking about the Instagram caption, inspiring quote version of trusting God and his timing. We mean, that even if God’s plan is not something we want, that we will be okay with it. And that’s very hard to accept. It means hoping and praying for something, knowing it might not be God’s plan, yet trusting God with it all.
Not trying to get all deep and philosophical– like we said earlier, we’re only in Month 2 of trying so it hasn’t been long by any means– but that’s how we’ve been growing in all this.
On a lighter note, to increase our chances of success this month, we started tracking using BBT (basal body temperature) and OPK (ovulation predictor kits). Cindy also cut back on her running because she wanted to be on the safe side. Every article online says it’s okay to keep running if you were running before trying, but try to keep exercise to moderate intensity, and cut back if you were a more intense runner. But how intense does intense mean? And what’s considered moderate intensity?! It’s been really hard to cut back and not run the long hard runs– especially since running is basically Cindy’s only hobby and stress reliever. Maybe it’s not necessary to cut back, but there just isn’t much online about running and trying to conceive for the “more than casual runner but not athlete”. Cindy did stumble across this blog that she related to a lot and found it comforting. Here is the link for anyone else who might need it: https://www.saltyrunning.com/running-trying-conceive/
Anyways, we were both really bummed to see Cindy’s period come. To lift our spirits, we went to ACE and bought a couple succulents and a few pots to pot our plants. A small little pick-me-up before we have to do it all over again. We’re hopeful Month 3 does it!